Life has been very difficult the last two months. Stephen broke all of his promises to me and we aren't talking right now. He broke up with me and I've been taking it really hard. This is a very confusing time in my life and I am trying very hard to trust God to guide me. I'm usually okay if there are people around me but when i'm alone I feel lost and abandoned. I'm so hurt some days I wish I didn't exist. There is a physical pain in my chest that won't go away and i can't stop crying. My schooling has gone completely downhill despite my second year being easier. It's really difficult to focus on anything. Hard to put on a smile for the world and pretend i'm not dead inside. Pretend that i'm still Rachel. But i'm not. I'm much much different. I'm hardened and bitter, crushed and do not trust. The person I trusted most in the world also hurt me the deepest. There are no surprises now. Nothing is withstanding or reliable. Nothing human anyways. This all sounds so dramatic but this is actually how I feel. I'm just letting time pass...
